Last week I was asked by a journalist, “Why do women stay with men who don’t like them very much? You know men who don’t want to be with them?”
The journalist asked the question because of what was happening in Season 10 of the Australian Married at First Sight.
Two brides, Bronte and Lyndall, were trying hard to make their relationships work with men who don’t like them very much. Both Harrison and Cameron have been anything but subtle about their feelings.
Neither Harrison nor Cameron wants to give these women any more than they already have.
Yet the two women were trying everything to make it work!
They were trying to work out what was happening and make excuses for their partner’s behaviour. Rather than seeing it as a BIG RED danger sign. Or see it for what it is, men who don’t want to be with them.
Lyndall tried to find reasons why Cameron didn’t kiss her and thinks it could be because he is afraid of emotional intimacy.
While Bronte continually excused Harrison’s gaslighting.
You might just say it is scripted and all for the show on TV. Yet, it is something I see women do ALL time!
It is common for women to be delusional about a relationship where the man isn’t that into them. They waste so much time investing in a relationship that will never work. In fact, one that isn’t even worth fixing.
Why do women do it?
7 Reasons Women Date Men Who Don’t Want to be With Them?
1. Low Self-Esteem
They have low self-esteem. They need to get the other person to like them to feel ok about themselves. If they win the guy back, they will be worthwhile. This never works as it is too much pressure on the other person
Also, if you have low self-esteem you may feel deep down that you don’t deserve any better. Or you might think that you won’t find anyone else who will love you, so you put up with it. If you want to know how to improve your self-esteem – How to Love Yourself.
They have invested so much in the relationship that they can’t let it go. They continue to see the potential of the person rather than what is right there in front of them.
3. Believe it Will Change
Belief it will change and go back to when it may have been good. They believe they can change the man who is either bad for them or not that into them. Or even help them overcome their ‘flaws’.
4. Blame Science
It’s not their fault, blame it on science! The chemical mix that is released when you have sex, as well as when you fall in love has the same effect as taking drugs. Those chemicals can block pain and stimulate the same part of your brain that cocaine does. Just like that drug addict, that chemical mix will make you do anything to get another hit. When you lose your ‘supply’ it will also make you feel physical pain like you would if you were withdrawing from drugs. No wonder you don’t want to give up and act crazy when you don’t have it any more. When they say love is a drug, they weren’t kidding!
They have an unhealthy pattern of dating the wrong type of person. This could happen for a number of reasons, like past experiences, childhood, their own unique love programming (something I work with my clients to change) or their insecurities.
They are attracted to certain qualities. That could be charm, confidence, excitement and even a sense of danger. They can all be exciting to start with but can end up being destructive.
There can also be pressure from society, family or the people around them to be in a relationship even if it isn’t great. They may feel like they are failing if they are single.
Conclusion of Men Who Don’t Want to Be with Them!
If you are reading this and see yourself, please don’t beat yourself up. The reality is that when you want something to work out, it can be easy to blindly hold onto the idea of that happily ever after instead of seeing the signs.
If you are stuck in this pattern, I can help. To find out how why not book a free discovery call to find out how.