If you are getting sick and tired of waiting to meet someone or broken up with someone you like – trying new experiences is the best thing you can do.

When you are single when you don’t want to be or suddenly find yourself single it can be tough. You might feel like your whole world has fallen apart and don’t know what to do with yourself or your free time. You can feel lost and lonely.

It is easy to:

1. Start dating someone new to make you feel better and fill up the void.
2. Shop – the excitement of buying something new makes you feel better
3. Make yourself busy – that could be throwing yourself into work or focussing fully on your children.

Yet instead of filling the void, they are temporary fixes!

That will often create a different type of problem, like:

1. Dating someone new may give you an ego boost or fill the space. However, the reality is that it will often cause more damage because you haven’t gotten over the last person or have any real emotional space for them.  You also can end up hurting someone else who was ready for a relationship.
2. The excitement of buying something new is short-lived and leaves you broke!
3. Work or family isn’t meant to be your whole life. Focusing on your work or on your children is good yet you will be better at both if you live a full life and look after yourself.

Routines

You might find routines help to keep you occupied, as they become so familiar that they fill up the void and help you lose track of time. Yet those daily, weekly and annual events may keep you stuck from living a life that makes you happy.

To live your best life you don’t want to live the same day over and over again, year after year.

Research About New Experiences

Research by the State University of San Francisco found that people who spend their money on experiences rather than things were happier.  The research found that the joy/memories from experiences last a lifetime compared to the fleeting thrill of purchasing material items.

The Answer to the Void is Trying New Experiences 

The best answer to fill the void in your life, believe it or not, is trying new experiences! It will lead you to live a life you love and that makes you happy.

1. Trying New Experiences Helps You Get Over Fear

Routine is easy to follow and trying something new can feel scary. It is easy to get caught up overthinking all the things that could go wrong, right! Like you won’t be very good at it, you won’t enjoy it, you won’t know what to say, you will look stupid, etc.

However, there is always some level of fear when you do something you haven’t done before.  Yet, everything worthwhile happens outside of your comfort zone! When you take the step to get out of your comfort zone and try new experiences it allows you to get over that fear and realise that you can.  Each time you take that step it becomes easier. 

Excitement and fear are both the same emotion – it all comes down to your perspective.

Feeling the fear and doing it will benefit all areas of your life and allow you to grow!

2. Allows You to Get to Know Who You are and What You Like

If you have been in a long term relationship you may have lost who you are because you were so busy being a mum/dad, wife/husband. Instead of jumping into a new relationship, it is time to discover and get to know yourself all over again. Think of it as dating yourself! Trying new experiences gives you the chance to work out what you do and don’t enjoy doing.  Maybe you didn’t go dancing because your partner didn’t like it or you didn’t go camping because that wasn’t their thing? Or you could have believed that you weren’t any good at painting or cooking or sport because when you last did those things, you sucked! Or there could be things you haven’t tried. Go out and experiment and discover what you do and don’t like.

I didn’t believe I had an artistic bone in my body and when friends asked me to go to a Sip and Paint Class I wasn’t keen because I didn’t believe I could do it. Guess what I could and came away with a painting I actually like. I also came away feeling great about myself because I had created/achieved something I NEVER thought I could.  

As you start to try new experiences or revisit ones you thought you didn’t like,  you will discover what you like and even who you want to become. You will also be surprised at how good it will make you feel about yourself. . Have fun with it!

2. Arouses Creativity

Did you know that trying new experiences actually stimulates more creativity in your brain? Trying new experiences creates new pathways in your brain and arouses creativity in other areas of your life. Creative people know the secret to keeping their creativity alive is to try new things.  It has the added benefit of allowing you to think and see everything in a new light.

3. Makes You More Interesting and Attractive

Trying new experiences is all about you and enjoying your own life. However, it has the added benefit of making you more interesting in your work and personal life. It literally makes you more marketable. Having a life you enjoy instantly makes you more attractive to the opposite sex. Why, because you look proactive and interesting rather than a victim of circumstances.  The reality is that relying on someone else to be your happiness puts too much pressure on the other person and comes across as needy/desperate which is unattractive to anyone. 

4. Have Fun Saying Yes

I challenge you to have fun saying yes to any new experiences you are offered over the next couple of months. Instead of making up an excuse, avoiding it or even binge-watching Netflix say yes. It may feel uncomfortable but you will be surprised by the adventures you will go on. After all, life is way too short for a beige bland routine life!

What New Experiences Can You Try?

I see way too many singles waiting until they meet someone to try new experiences. They put off the trip, eating out or doing things they want to because they don’t believe they can do it alone. For many, they completely miss out. 

So, it’s time to ditch the daily grind and start living your life as an exciting adventure!

You can:

• Learn something new. This can literally be ANYTHING. Like self-development, learning to play a new sport, learning to paint, learning to play a musical instrument, to cook, to dance, to meditate, public speaking, acting, yoga, etc. Literally, learn anything new and this will challenge you in ways you haven’t been challenged before. Oh, and give you some fun, interesting things to chat about.
• Travel on your own. There is something wonderful about travelling on your own that really does get you out of your comfort zone. It pushes you to meet other people in a way that travelling with people you know doesn’t. It doesn’t have to be overseas, you can explore country towns or other city locations. You could even try camping! You will learn a lot about yourself from travelling on your own.
• Go out alone. Yes, you can go out alone and try new experiences. Whether that is a restaurant, a walking group, or groups like Meetups. With Meetups, they have lots of different interest groups and you have the added benefit of going out alone but not having to be alone. This is not about dating but meeting new people and expanding your world. 
• Go to Singles Events.
• Cook! Cook all your own meals for a week from a recipe book that you haven’t tried before. No takeaway or ready-made meals. You will learn new skills and enjoy the benefits of home-cooked meals.

Finally

Life is too short to stay in a rut,  get out there and try new experiences it will be worth the initial discomfort.

If you want to get out there but feel you are struggling and want some help, that is where I come in as a Relationship Coach. All you need to do is book your free discovery call.

Debbie Rivers, Relationship Coach

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The reality of life is that breakups are tough and it is easy to do whatever it takes to stop the pain you are feeling. Including texting your ex!

You find yourself remembering all the wonderful memories you both shared. You know of how wonderful being in love was and find yourself wanting that back and can’t stop thinking about getting back together.  The reality is that you can end up romanticizing your relationship.

The dictionary meaning of romanticizing Is –

‘to talk about something in a way that makes it sound better than it really is, or to believe that something is better than it really is’.

It is human and normal to remember the good and forget the bad. It is also important to know the honest truth about relationships.

But the real honest truth is you can easily forget how you actually felt in the relationship. That could have been continually arguing, or feeling unloved or unheard.

It can be all too easy to remember the good times and forget why you broke up in the first place.

But the reality of getting back together is you might just be:

1. Missing being in a relationship but not the actual person.
2. You are scared that you won’t find anyone else or that anyone else will want you.

You are not alone, around 50-60% of couples do attempt getting back together. The problem is that it only works out around 15% of the time! Not high odds!

The whole getting back together is a supercharged experience full of romance, promises and declarations!

But then real life will get back in the way, especially if nothing has changed.

Getting back together can work but you need to realise it is the exception rather than the rule and the stats prove it! 

It really is all too easy to go back to what you know, to what is familiar but it doesn’t mean it will make you any happier this time around.

One good question to ask yourself is, ‘Can you go through with the pain of breaking up with them all over again’. This question acts as a reality test.

The problem with getting back with an ex is you broke up for a reason and if you get back together you will face the same old problems all over again. You will also have the extra issues caused by the pain of your break up and fear it could happen all over again.   

Your relationship will not and cannot be the same after a breakup as it was before. You need to realise that you will have caused damage by breaking up that have changed things forever!

Before you reach for the phone to send a text, how do you know if it is a good idea?

Will you be part of the lucky 15% like Prince William and Kate or not?

The 4 Reasons Getting Back Together is a Good Idea

1. Getting Back Together – You have both changed!

It is important to take an honest look at yourself and the other person. What have you learnt from the breakdown of your relationship? Have those issues changed, have you both changed? If you have both learnt the lessons you needed to, things can work and getting back together can be a good thing. But, if you haven’t learnt anything then it stands to reason that it will end up the same way, as you will be the same people. It is important to realise that if nothing has changed then it is not a good idea.  It can be all too easy to live in magical thinking rather than reality.

2. Getting Back Together – The situation has changed!

Timing is important for a relationship to work. Did you break up because the time wasn’t right when you were together? You could have been too young, wanted to travel or focus on your career. Maybe you were leaving on a gap year trip, studying, working long hours to make ends meet or had to move away. If the situation has changed getting back together can work. It will give you a good chance of your relationship turning out the second time around.

3. Getting Back Together – Your mind has changed!

If you split up with your because the relationship didn’t feel good, don’t think it is going to be magically better the next time around. It may be easy to start to think that your ex is so much better than what you are seeing on the dating apps. But don’t fall into the scarcity trap! Instead, ask yourself what has changed and take the time to be really honest with yourself.  Maybe after self-reflection, you realise that you have changed your mind and that is ok. If your mind has changed getting back together has a good chance of working out.

4. You are willing to forgive!

To make your relationship work again you need to be willing to let the past go and forgive what needs to be forgiven. It is about making the decision to not bring up the past. That means even when you are having a fight. You need to accept your ex for who they are now, not who they were or who they could have been. Let go of the grudges and the judgement.

Conclusion

In summary, for things to work out the 2^nd time you need one of the four points! You both need to have changed or your circumstances need to have changed or you have changed your mind and you can forgive.

You will need to be open, honest and approach it with emotional maturity! Because getting back together will only have a chance of working if you both decide to go have your eyes and heart open.

If you are confused about getting back together with your ex why not book in a free discovery call to find out the answer. All you need to do is book here.

Debbie. 

The post Getting Back Together With Your ex, is it Ever a Good Idea? first appeared on Debbie Rivers.

The post Getting Back Together With Your ex, is it Ever a Good Idea? appeared first on Debbie Rivers.