Are you Using Dating Apps to Meet Someone or to Feel Better About Yourself?

dating apps

Are you Using Dating Apps to Meet Someone or to Feel Better About Yourself?


This is a question everyone SHOULD ask themselves before going onto dating apps but rarely do!

Dating apps are a good tool to use to meet other single people. In fact, it’s the  place you are guaranteed to find the most singles.

However, not everyone on dating apps are looking for the same things.

On dating apps you will find:

  • People who want to put their feet back in the water and start dating. Many aren’t ready for anything serious or maybe don’t even know what they are looking for.
  • Singles who are looking for a serious relationship.
  • Other singles looking for a causal relationship.
  • Some people are using dating apps to feel good about themselves. They are looking for validation for a variety of reasons.
  • A variety of people whose intentions won’t match yours and might even be dodgy! Like – married people, scammers, narcissists and even psychopaths.

If you are new to the online dating world it can feel exciting. There are so many possibilities and it feels great when someone swipes right and you are a match! It gives you a rush!

Not only do you get the mutual matches you also get told by the dating apps how many people liked you that wasn’t a match!  Imagine how amazing it feels to sign up and get the message that 100 people like you!

That will give you a massive dopamine hit that is addictive and designed to keep you coming back. I am sure you have heard about how you get a dopamine hit on social media, right?  Well, on dating apps it’s more intense and personal!

It is also addictive to get the validation that other people like you, especially if you have come out of a relationship that didn’t work out or where you were rejected. 

You can also easily fall into the trap of continually swiping for better options!

Or to see how many people like you! And so can other people!

After all, everyone is human, right?

Decide your Intention for using Dating Apps

Continually looking for validation or a better option can consume your life! The real honest truth is for many singles it can make them feel worse about themselves rather than better.

To avoid this trap ask yourself the following question before you create your profile:

Am I going on Dating Apps to:

  1. Meet someone special?
  2. Casually date?
  3. Feel better about myself after a breakup or rejection?
  4. Because I am hungry, even starving for other people’s approval?

 Be honest with yourself! Are you looking for something serious, casual or to feel better about yourself?

Going onto a dating app for reasons C & D can have the opposite effect or they can hurt other people in your process to feel validated. Instead of feeling better, dating apps can further damage how you feel about yourself. 

As a Relationship Coach, I work with many singles who have been seriously hurt by singles being on dating apps for reasons C & D.

If you are on the app to feel better about yourself or because you are hungry for other people’s approval there might be better ways of doing that.

Know your Value!

Again, before you jump online ask yourself this question –

‘Am I emotionally secure enough?’

If you don’t feel like you are secure or you answer not yet don’t do it. You will save yourself and others’ heartache & pain by being honest with yourself! Because the modern dating world is brutal and there are so many people using online dating to feel better about themselves.

These people either waste your time as they won’t meet you or will ghost you. 

Or even worse date you when they aren’t ready for a relationship. They don’t do this because they are a bad person, but because they think it will make them feel better. The ones who have gone through a breakup, especially a divorce. won’t have any emotional space for you as they are going through too much themselves. 

Often they haven’t processed what has happened and definitely haven’t healed from their own pain. So, they generally end up hurting you in the process.

You can see how if you aren’t feeling emotionally secure dating someone like this won’t help!

Don’t worry, that you might miss out on meeting someone. You are slowing down to save time in the long run.


Use this time doing things that will improve how you feel about yourself. Then you won’t have to go looking for that on the internet!

As a Relationship Coach, I know that it is much better to work on your self-esteem first. It works and changes everything for your future self. In fact,  I always work with my clients to make sure they feel good about themselves first and I even offer an online course – Learn to Love Yourself that people can work through at their own pace! Because I know how important it is.

The reality is you will ALWAYS get better results when you enter the dating world with high self-esteem.

If  You Are Ready

If you have been honest with yourself and you are ready, great.

Start by being clear in your profile that you want a relationship. When you start chatting online always ask the other person what they are looking for even if they have written it in their profile. Why? Because people can change their minds, not remember what they have written or write what they think you want to hear! 

Too many people make assumptions that lead to the wrong conclusions and wasted time. Don’t assume – ask! Because unless you both talk about what you are looking for you won’t know! Remember to listen to their answer and don’t fall into the romantic trap of thinking you will change their mind!

Let’s get real, if they say they just want to go with the flow or that they want to be casual that is EXACTLY what it means. YOU won’t change their mind no matter how great you are.

It is just like the ad for the house that says, “Renovators Delight!” A “renovators delight” generally translates to dump! It is used to get you in but the reality is that it will cost you more than you thought or could afford!

If you want something serious, say so in your first conversations on the app. If the other person wants something casual, simply wish them luck and move on.

If you want a serious relationship say so! If you want casual, say so!

It is time to have those healthy conversations about what you expect, what you would like and what you need from each other.

These honest and open conversations prevent heartache, wasted time, rejection and the shame that comes when someone you like disappears from your life. To find out more read – Define Your Relationship. 

Recognise others’ Intentions!

You can save yourself time, effort and investment by recognising other people’s intentions! Because the reality is that even if you are looking for a relationship you will still come across the people looking to feel better about themselves. Or the dodgy people I talked about at the beginning of the article.

If you recognise their intentions you can save wasting time with someone who isn’t ready to let you in.

You will start to recognise the people who just want to feel good about themselves and who don’t want much more. 

If you still struggle that is one area that a Relationship Coach will help you in!


As corny or cliché as this sounds, a healthy/stable relationship always starts with you. It begins with knowing that you will be ok with or without other people’s validation.

Debbie x

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