The Pros and Cons of the 10 Date Rule

10 Date Rule

The 10 Date Rule, have you heard of it? Maybe you hear the word rule and switch off as you feel that you will just meet the right person and it won’t matter what you do, everything will just work out.

But, that’s not your reality, right?

Personally, I tend to cringe when I hear the world ‘rule’, especially when it comes to dating.  However, this is one rule that I like and before you dismiss it, let’s talk about the pros and the cons! I feel there are more pros than cons and when you hear me out you will see how the 10 Date Rule and will save you time and heartache!

I know you have heard the story of the woman who slept with a guy on the first date and it turned into a relationship that resulted in happily ever after. Because of ‘her’ story you rationalize that if it happened for her then why can’t it happen for you?

But how often does this REALLY happen?

Let’s look at the cold hard facts. It doesn’t happen very often, in fact, the odds are 1 in 4 – not that high, right?

Why, is it only 1 in 4? Because there isn’t any investment and the reality is that easy come, easy go!  Nowadays, sex tends to come easier than ever before.

The cold hard truth is that your odds of you being that 1 in 4 is not great. 

A Better Way – The 10 Date Rule

There is a better way to get the relationship you want and that is following the 10 Date Rule!  It is a way to find out if a guy is generally interested in you and wants more than just a hookup!

What is the 10 Date Rule?

The 10 Date Rule is:

Men are the most likely to have a relationship with a woman that they have gone on at least 10 dates with. These are proper dates, not coffee catch-ups, sleeping together or hanging out together. The dates are where you go out together in public and do something.

The truth is that men will only go on 10 real dates with you if they are into YOU and they won’t if they aren’t!


Pretty simple right!

The reality is that relationships are important and no one wants to commit to someone who they haven’t gotten to know first. You need the time to find out if someone is right for you and 10 dates over a period of months allows you the time to be able to do that.

Research continually finds that men want relationships just as much as women, in fact, more! A 2021 study of 5000 singles found that 70% of men wanted a relationship compared to 60% of single women.

Pros of the 10 Date Rule

The 10 Date Rule shows a man is willing to step up and invest in you. And a real relationship always takes investment and you need to have a man who is willing to make that investment.

Let me give you an example of what investment looks like by telling you a story.

A guy owns a car that needs fixing, so he spends the money needed to fix the car. Over time he puts more and more money into that car as he has already invested so much money that he just can’t think about getting rid of it.

Relationships are just like the car! The reality is the more investment a man puts into a relationship, the more likely he will be committed to it. Just like the car, he has put so much into it that he won’t want to let it go.

The 10 Date Rule, allows this to happen.

It takes time to get to know someone, in fact at least 3 months! People may be able to wear a mask or put their best foot forward for a short period of time but over time they are unable to. The 10 Date Rule allows that amount of time to get to know each other.

Ladies if you hold back from getting carried away by chemistry or by his potential and the ‘idea’ of what the relationship could be the 10 Date Rule gives you the time to be objective.

It puts you in the driver’s seat of your own life and lets you choose if he is right for you!  You will also be able to recognise the men who just aren’t ready for a relationship as they won’t put in the effort for 10 real dates!

Cons of the 10 Date Rule

There are some men who enjoy the company of an attractive woman, yet it doesn’t matter how many dates you go on or how amazing you are, they don’t want a commitment! Some men are players, charmers, narcissists or commitment-phobic and unfortunately, no rule will change that! They will still go all out to love bomb and win you over and this can feel amazing after so many bad dates. However, that doesn’t mean they want a relationship, it is all about them and their ego!

With some help, you can learn to easily spot this type of man!  As a Relationship Coach, I know I can spot them a million miles away and can help you do the same!

It is important to spot the men who want a relationship so you don’t waste time on the charming men with potential who simply don’t want what you do.

Some types of men enjoy a challenge and when they have finally gotten what they want, they lose interest. I would recommend that you don’t say that you are following the 10 Date Rule, to avoid this particular trap!

The other con is it is a big investment in time with someone where you might find out you aren’t compatible with or they may find out they aren’t compatible with you. The reality is that going on 10 dates will not guarantee you a relationship. However, it is the only way you will know for sure. 


On the 10 dates, what do you do about sex? The reality is that for most women when they have sex, they become less objective and they become invested! So, it is important to take your time and that you have sex when you are ready knowing that you will have to deal with WHATEVER happens afterwards. Like him deciding he doesn’t want to take things any further. For more information on when to sleep with a guy, read – When Should I have Sex with Him.

The reality is that a guy may dump you after the 10th date as he was in it for the challenge. However, most guys who are only interested in sex won’t hang around that long so it is an easy way to rule them out!

How to Know he Wants More

To find out how you know he wants to be your boyfriend, listen to my podcast episode 09: Three Simple Ways to Know if he Wants to be Your Boyfriend

I will also give you  some quick tips to recognise the man who wants a relationship:

  1. He takes you OUT on real dates. This means to a public venue rather than chilling at his place!
  2. He makes regular dates and he doesn’t leave weeks in-between dates.
  3. What he does in-between the dates matters. Anyone can have a good time when you are together but what does he do when you aren’t? Does he make regular contact with you when you aren’t seeing each other?
  4. The man who wants a committed relationship will want to introduce you to the people in his life.
  5. Talks about your future together and with will use ‘we’ in conversation.
  6. Enjoys doing things for you.
  7. Is interested in you.

Remember that actions speak louder than words and words really can come easy. A guy isn’t likely to do the things on this list if you are casual.

It is all too easy to be in a hurry or not want to waste any more time. However, going slow will ultimately save you time and save you from wasting any more of your precious time.

There are plenty of wonderful single men out there and if you do choose to follow the 10 Date Rule you will end up with the relationship YOU want.

Debbie  – Relationship Coach

Share This:

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on whatsapp
Share on email
Share on print
Scroll to Top

Get in touch

What Singles Really Think