It’s the New Decade, here are 18 Do-able Relationship Resolutions!
Life gets busy! So let’s be honest, sometimes it’s easy for your relationship with your partner to take a back seat to all the other demanding stuff in your life. But, it doesn’t have to with a few practical changes! With the new decade, it’s time to make relationship resolutions that will make your loved ones feel, well, loved.
Here are 18 Practical Resolutions that you can Actually Do in the New Decade!
1. The Decade for Kindness
Kindness is the new black! Choose being kind, being generous with your heart, your attention and your affection, even when you don’t want to. It is the secret to a long and happy partnership.
Kindness is the superglue of love.
Infuse kindness into every interaction. If you find yourself getting angry or wanting to blame, then manage yourself. Take a step back. Take time out. Get yourself to neutral, and practice, practice, practice kindness. I know this seems simple but it’s so important.
2. Treat them How they Want to be Treated in the New Decade
Ditch or address those irritating things you do that you know annoy your partner, yet you still do. Treat them how they want to be treated, rather than how you want to be treated. This may take a little bit of effort and discipline but you will reap the benefits in the new decade with a happier relationship.
3. The Decade to Listen
Listen more than talk! In the new decade work on and practise your listening skills – I mean really listening, rather than thinking of what you are going to say next. Listen to understand your person. Let them talk freely without interrupting them or talking over them – this may seem simple but can be harder than it sounds. In fact, you may not even realise how often you interrupt/talk over them rather than listening. How do you do this? You make eye contact then ask them open-ended questions, then try saying back to them what they have said to you, to make sure you have got it right. This is truly listening and shows someone they matter and that you care about them. Oh, and often the people closest to us just want to be heard, so resist the urge to offer advice or fix their problems. Unless they have asked you to.
4. Thank you is ALWAYS important in any Decade!
It is too easy to get caught up in life and doing what needs to be done. Maybe you believe that the things the other person does for you are simply things that they ‘should’ do anyway. However, appreciation builds the bond in your relationship and makes a big difference to your relationship. There is so much research about the importance of gratitude, and it can be easy to see it as something that we simply do at the end of the day rather than giving it to the people in our lives who matter. So, make the resolution that you will say thank you to the people in your life, especially your partner. That way the other they will feel seen and appreciated.
5. Put the Phone Away
Phones take your attention away continually, so put it away! Give your partner ALL of your attention and be in the moment. Quality time matters, so set aside time to have it. It can be as little as 15 minutes where you can talk about the day, sharing how you felt, what you enjoyed or struggled with and what you learnt. This builds a strong connection and is what you would have done in the early days, so resolve to make this a priority in the new decade.
6. The Decade to Share Household Chores
Did you know that when the housework is shared the marriage is happier and you get more sex?! Everyone wins! So, make the resolution to share the load of the various inside and outside work that needs to be done.
7. Say Sorry Without Justifying Yourself
In a relationship we expect the other person to understand us, to know what we want and have our back. However, there will be times when this doesn’t happen, where you let them down or they let you down. It is important to be able to take responsibility for your actions and apologise without the need to justify why you acted the way you did. If you can repair the small upsets early and often without being defensive, giving excuses or focusing on who is ‘right or wrong’ you will be able to build a strong and healthy relationship. This takes the ability to be self-aware and emotionally intelligent about your actions. It will also build a strong relationship in the new decade.
If you want the person to apologise to you then it is important to be able to accept the apology and forgive your partner. You need to forgive the simple stuff when they didn’t understand you or have your back. It is often these simple things that destroy a relationship one layer at a time! You need to let go when someone has apologised to you rather than continuing to hold onto a list of past faults/failures that will ultimately cause you resentment. It is easy to think about forgiveness when it comes to the big things – like cheating, etc but they are important on a daily basis for a strong/healthy relationship.
9. Ditch the Passive-Aggressive Behaviour
The new decade is the time to ditch the passive-aggressive behaviour as it not a healthy way of relating to the people you love. In fact, it is harmful. It is time to stop suppressing what you feel and allowing things to build-up to the point where you can hold them in any more. This is like trying to hold beach balls underwater, it only lasts for so long before they fly out of the water and go everywhere. It’s time to speak honestly and openly about what you are feeling and what is going on for you. It is time to ask for what you want and need in a way that can be heard.
10. Ditch Assumptions
In relationships, it is easy to think you know someone well and assume what they are thinking and feeling or even assume the worst in situations. You are not a mind reader, so it is important to talk to your partner – ask them questions and find out what is going on for them. Ask them what are they thinking and what are they feeling rather than getting angry or caught up in a misunderstanding. it applies to the little things like when you have asked them to do something and they haven’t to the big stuff. This will prevent arguments and misunderstandings. Make the resolution to ditch the assumptions in the new decade!
11. Vent to friends
Being someone’s sole ‘person’ is often too much as one person can only take so much. This will be exhausting and put too much pressure on your relationship. Contrary to popular belief one person does not have to meet every need and hear everything that upsets you. Oh, and sometimes there are things that are better shared with friends. It is important to have a mix of family and friends who you can chat to when you need it. It will give you a more balanced healthy viewpoint and healthier relationship.
12. Do Something Nice Everyday
The small things in life are important and often overlooked. Made the resolution to show small signs of affection every day. This can be in words and actions. Make your partner a cup of tea/coffee, do the dishes, tidy up, do an unexpected act of kindness without expecting praise, say something nice to them/give them a compliment, give them a hug, a kiss or hold their hand. These small things will make you so much closer. For a relationship to be happy there needs to be the magic ratio of 5 to 1! You need to be five times nicer than you are nasty! For every negative interaction, you need to have five positive interactions.
13. The Decade to Say YES
Instead of automatically saying no, listen and respect your partner’s requests and say yes wherever possible. The key here is to really listen and honour request and find ways to say yes as it will increase the bond between you.
14. Love You
Words matter! Take the time to say these magic three words! Say it first thing in the morning and before you go to sleep. Do it with intention and your full attention. It is important to let your special person know that they matter.
15. Do Something Exciting Together
Keep your attraction alive by doing something fun and exciting together. It’s novelty and newness that keeps that spark alive. This could be anything from going on a wine tasting tour, a drive-in movie or trying something active like indoor rock climbing or dancing to get your heart rate up. Did you know there is something called the where the brain mistakes your increased heart rate as you getting excited! As a result, it builds attraction. Whatever you chose create something new, shared and unique that will stimulate connection.
Oh and make sure you take time to laugh with each other, rather than at one another! Be silly, tell jokes and just have more fun. There is plenty of research about how laughing builds strong relationships and it is a simple thing you can resolve to do more of in the new decade.
16. Actually, have that regular date night! Then kiss more and have more sex!
Make the resolution in 2020 to actually go on that regular date night. You need to actually leave the house, get dressed up and flirt with each other like you used to do when you first met. Get back to that! Enjoy having fun and being playful with each other like you used to.
Then make sure you kiss your partner like you did when you first met, remember when you just couldn’t get enough of kissing each other – it’s fun. The good news is that studies have found that couples who kiss often have a high level of satisfaction in their relationship. Oh, and it also releases those wonderful feel-good hormones that make you happy.
When you are not having sex, it will affect every area of your relationship. The lack of sex will cause you to have less affection, communication and will decrease trust. It is a small thing that will make a big difference. Sex is the glue that will keep you close as a couple. Not only is sex enjoyable, it also releases endorphins and feel-good hormones that will feel good for a much longer period of time. It actually keeps your stress levels down; boosts your immune system and makes you feel physically better as well. So, make sex a fun priority!
One of the biggest things couples fight about is finances, so make the resolution in the new decade get on the same page financially! This will take an open, honest conversation where you will need to use your new listening skills talking about what your goals are when it comes to money and how you can achieve them. You will need to check in to see if you are financially compatible with each other.
18. Shared Purpose/Goals
If you want to grow together it is important to have a shared purpose and goals going into the new decade. Time to have a look at what yours are – maybe it is as simple as working out more or making your own bucket list. A great partnership is not just about the absence of conflict or about friendship. It is about creating shared meaning while still having individuality.