Is Fizzling What’s Stopping You Getting a Date on Dating Apps?


Fizzling is a trend that has been around for a while and  could be the reason you are unsuccessful on dating apps and any other texting conversation.

What is fizzling?


It is when a promising conversation loses momentum and ends up fizzling out. 

Fizzling is ghosting’s 2nd cousin! It is slowly phasing someone out without telling them why. Like ghosting, fizzling can make you feel like you aren’t good enough, make you doubt yourself, and leave you confused about why someone stopped talking to you.

If you want to get results you need to know how to communicate in a way that keeps the other person interested.  

Singles Fall into Common Traps of:

1. Treating the messaging as a transaction rather than a conversation. What I mean by this is you are just messaging to get the outcome of getting a date rather than having a genuine conversation with another person. Yes, the end game is a date but you wouldn’t walk up to a complete stranger in person, give them your phone number or ask them out and walk away. That wouldn’t work unless you were a celebrity. You need to have a chat before you ask someone out. The same applies to the conversations you have on a dating app.

2. Putting in no effort. Maybe you have tried messaging before and it didn’t work so you have decided there is no point trying too hard. You find it easier to put in minimal effort so you aren’t disappointed if it doesn’t work out.

Communication on dating apps has always been an issue with people struggling to get the right balance of a chat that works.

You may even say to yourself if the other person was genuinely interested it would just flow. However, that isn’t the case and I see plenty of awesome single people miss out on each other because of a fizzling conversation.

As a Dating/Relationship Coach, I see this happen all the time. When I work with my clients I get them to show me the messages they are sending and the responses they receive.

All too often I see exactly why the conversation has lost momentum and fizzled out when it didn’t have to!

I teach my clients how to change their messages to ones that build a real conversation. It works for my clients when they follow the advice. Another thing I teach my clients to do is to review the messages they are sending to objectively see what works and what doesn’t.

I am going to share useful tips with you so your conversations

sizzles instead of fizzles!

These tips apply to any type of text messaging!

Why Does Fizzling Happen 

1. The Conversation is Boring

If the conversation is boring it can easily fizzle out. The reality is no one enjoys a boring chat! When you send messages on a dating app it needs to feel like a two-sided conversation that builds interest between the two of you. Too often, people just ask a series of questions that feel more like work than a conversation. No one wants to message to feel like work, they want it to be enjoyable and flow easily.  You might do this to save time but it has the opposite effect. This type of messaging often makes you miss out on someone who might have been your perfect match.

The chat on a dating app should not be transactional, it needs to connect and build interest.

2. No Effort

Sending one-word messages or not putting any effort into your messaging chat will guarantee a conversation fizzles before it even starts.

Messages like, “How are you?”, “Hi”, and “Hey?” with often be left unanswered! I don’t know why people are still using this opener as it rarely works. Especially if you are sending them to popular singles who will already have an inbox full of these types of messages!

The same applies to giving minimal one-word answers. It gives the impression that you aren’t interested! 

Messages like, Hi, my name’s Nick, how are you?”, or just sending something like “Do you have a busy day?” Are also unlikely to work.  The person you are sending them to will either have interest in replying to the lack of effort on your part especially if they are busy. With these messages, you are putting the whole burden of the chat on the other person.


2. People are Busy

Conversation can fizzle because people lead busy lives. People are busy with so many different things competing for their attention. This makes it easy to forget to answer a message or just let the conversation die. Especially if the conversation is not enjoyable, is boring or you haven’t sparked their interest.

3. Taking too Long to Answer

Did you know that people expect an answer within 24 hours on a dating app? If you don’t answer in that time they will move on to the next person. If you want to get better results don’t take your time to respond.

Types of Messages that Get Results

To begin with, I want you to keep in mind that when you are messaging someone on a dating app you are actually talking to a real person on the other side of the phone via your chat. 

Then you need to realise that the chat on a dating app is where you get to build a connection through your conversation. Yes, it may feel like an effort or hard work. But the same rules apply as if you were having a real in-person conversation. To get results on a dating app you need to send messages that are fun, interesting and even creative. That way you are more likely to spike the other person’s interest and get a reply.

To Avoid Fizzling

1. The key to avoiding fizzling is to be engaged and responsive to the conversation. Give your attention to the person you’re chatting to so you don’t get distracted by other stuff.

2. Put time and effort into your messaging. If your messaging finishes at the end of the day, come back and check in with the person the next day. This allows the conversation to keep flowing and limits the risk of it fizzling out.

3. If you start to feel like the conversation is fizzling, take a proactive approach rather than just letting it happen. Don’t put all the responsibility of having a good conversation on the other person. Share something interesting and ask them a question. Or even go back to something you may have missed in your chat. This can keep the conversation going and stop it from fizzling out.

4. It is important to be patient and give the conversation time to develop. Nowadays we tend to expect things to happen immediately and get disappointed when they don’t. The conversation is a way to get to know each other, allow that time to develop and don’t simply ask a series of questions. No one enjoys that!

5. Don’t take the fizzle as a sign of disinterest. As I mentioned earlier the person could be busy or bored. If you feel that the conversation has fizzled don’t just give up. Put some fresh life into the conversation by sending another message that is fun or interesting. Conversations can be restarted.

The key is to keep things light without being accusatory! You may feel tempted to say something like, “Why didn’t you answer?” But that will only put the other person off answering you. 

For example, if you had stopped chatting

In the example below, you have the person’s last message from a few weeks earlier. You hadn’t answered for whatever reason. You can respond to the message and check in with the person you were chatting to. 

In this case, Nick continued the conversation, didn’t over-explain and asked another question.

You can do the same, pick whatever it was you were last talking about without overexplaining why you stopped chatting. Then ask a question.

Conclusion to Fizzling

Fizzling conversations on dating apps are common and frustrating. Yet you can prevent the fizzle by staying engaged and responsive. By having genuinely interesting and enjoyable messaging conversations. You can also find out more tips in 3 Startling Examples of  Online Dating Messages that Get Results.

If you are reading this and don’t know where you may be going wrong, why not give me a call and see how I can help?

Debbie, Relationship Coach

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