Listening is something you would love men to do on a date, right? But the reality is there are so many dates you come away frustrated because there wasn’t much listening happening on his side!
You can’t help feeling that men seem to forget all about listening and that the conversation needs to go both ways. You feel like you are on a date with a used car salesman who talks at you rather than to you! It leaves you frustrated rather than excited about the guy you are on a date with.
You are not alone!
I recently received a message from Jo about men not listening on dates. Jo asked me if I could write about it to raise awareness with men because they don’t realise it is the reason they don’t get a second date.
Here is my response to Jo’s message for the men out there in Deb I am so Frustrated Why Don’t Guys Listen to ME. Because I know there are plenty of great men out there who don’t realise they are doing this.
You don’t know what you don’t know, right!
I also know firsthand that men and women often misunderstand each other in the dating process! Men and women may be equal but think and act differently when it comes to dating and relationships.
So, before you write him off as being a self-centred jerk who isn’t interested in anyone but himself I want you to consider if you are falling into a common trap!
Are you Falling into this Common Trap that Stops men Listening to YOU?
Oh, and for the men reading this blog, awareness will help you avoid the trap so you can have better dates that excite both of you.
1. The Trap that Stops Men Listening
In my experience, women are much more comfortable having conversations. Women also generally get more opportunities online to go on dates than men. As a result, men feel more pressure on the dates they do get.
Because women are much more comfortable chatting they fall into a common trap on dates that sees men talking more than listening.
The common trap is that women talk and control the conversation without thinking about it They show interest in the man, are curious about him and ask him questions. They spend a lot of the date listening to the man, who loves that someone is actually listening to HIM (just like you might).
In fact, women act just how they would like the men to!
The problem is that men don’t often experience a lovely lady listening and being interested in them and they get carried away with how good that feels. In fact, they enjoy that as much as you would. Because of this they get so caught up in talking and forget about listening and asking you questions.
Solution – Stop Controlling the Conversation
Ladies, it is time to stop controlling the conversation and see what happens. The worst thing that could happen is silence! Allow that silence and see what happens. Give him the opportunity and space for listening to you. ! Lean back and see what he does.
2. Questions to Save Time
The other common mistake women make is treating their dates like an interview or interrogation! I know that you don’t want to waste any more of your valuable time and want to qualify him to see if he is the right type of person for you.
But this approach wastes more time and opportunities than it saves.
Why, because it doesn’t bring out the best in the man you are on a date with. No one likes to feel judged by someone when they first meet. It rarely brings out the best in anyone! Oh, and a smart guy, a charming guy, a player or a narcissist will know how to give you the ‘perfect answer to win you over but it may not be true!
You also need to be aware that the questions you ask him may lead to conversations you would prefer not to have on a first date, like talking about exes or failed relationships. You may complain that he talks about his ex or what isn’t working in his life but remember you have asked that question in the first place and invited that response!
Lose the questions! Instead go into the date being curious, playful and have fun. You will actually find out a lot more about the man you are on a date with and the best part is dating will be more fun!
3. Allow Time
It takes time to get to know anyone, so allow that time. Dating makes even the most confident person nervous! I know when I am nervous I do not come across as my best. This is s true for most people. Imagine that you meet a new person assessing whether they would be your only friend for the rest of your life? That’s way too much pressure on a first meeting. It would also be crazy and wouldn’t bring out the best in the other person. The reality is this is how many people approach dating!
Get rid of the coffee date, it just doesn’t give you enough time to get to know someone. It also creates an environment where the man feels he needs to tell you how great he is because he doesn’t have much time! You don’t have to do dinner dates because that goes to the other extreme. Instead, you could do something simple like get a coffee and then go for a walk. Anything that allows enough time on your date to relax and feel comfortable with each other.
When you go on a date, some people will be a definite no. However, others you can be unsure of. For the ones you are unsure of, allow another one or two dates to discover if your attraction grows once you have gotten to know each other!
Women will be more connected to you and excited by you when you listen to THEM! If you go on a date with a lady who controls the conversation I want you to recognise this common trap. Instead of falling into the trap, you can do something different. Sure, you can answer her questions but when you have answered her questions, ask her what she thinks or feels about the same subject. Be genuinely interested in her opinion as well. Remember as much as you enjoy someone listening to you, so does she!
A good conversation is always a two-way street.
Listening is just one part of dating! If you are feeling frustrated understanding the opposite sex and want to change that then coaching can help you. Why not book a free discovery call? Everything to gain and nothing to lose, right?