Are you Worried About Being Alone After A Divorce or Breakup?

being alone

Being alone, are you worried about doing that after a divorce or breakup?

Breakups and divorce are tough. You have spent all your time with someone and suddenly you are alone with more time on your hands than you know what to do with.

The feelings of failure, regret and the loss of your dreams of your shared future are overwhelming.

It’s tough and I remember that feeling well. It feels lonely

Not liking being alone is one of the biggest reasons people jump into another relationship quickly.

It is easy to do anything to feel better and not feel so alone. Oh, and if someone else wants you then it lessens the feeling of failure and rejection from the person who you felt was the closest to you.

The problem is that you haven’t taken the time to heal and will end up bleeding all over someone who didn’t hurt you in the first place.

I do know firsthand that being alone after a divorce is scary and it can feel lonely But, you can learn to be on your own and even end up feeling comfortable being on your own. Yes, really!  You can heal, grow and become self-confident. Then when the time is right you will be in a healthy place to let love in again.  

You may be so used to being with someone and have never spend any time on your own so it’s no wonder you don’t quite know how to do it. But give it time and it will get easier and you may even get to enjoy it.

Taking the time to be comfortable being on your own gives you a better chance at having a successful relationship the 2nd time around. Too many people rush into a 2nd marriage to avoid being alone and end up divorced again.

Taking the time to be comfortable prevents you from rushing into a bad situation to avoid being on your own. It gives you the time to find the right person for you and let the relationship grow and breathe without the rush!

Here are some of the things that worked for me to get used to being on my own, I know they will help you too.

 Tips on How to Be on Your Own

1. Time to stop worrying about being alone

It is time to stop asking yourself if you will still be on your own when you are old! It might feel like you will be alone forever, but you won’t be. Make the most of the time you have being single. If you have the thought that being single will only be temporary it makes it easier to deal with and empowers you to be happier. How you think matters and you can make a choice not to stay in the funk you are in. It also helps to surround yourself with people who you enjoy being around and who are positive people. Their good vibes will rub off on you.

Live like you know that you will meet the right person at the right time. This allows you to relax and make the most of the moment that you are in rather than focusing on what you don’t have or what you have lost.  

2. Get Out 

Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself will only make you feel bad. So, get out, it will give you a different perspective on your life. If you don’t have any single friends then I recommend that you look up Meet up groups. This was something I needed to do after my divorce because all of my friends were married and didn’t have the time on their hands that  I did.

Meetup is located all over the world and has hundreds of different groups according to all types of interests where you can go and meet like-minded people. Yes, it is outside of your comfort zone but that is where everything good happens. I know I felt scared the first time I went to a Meetup group on my own, but I did meet a wonderful new group of friends with who I am still friends with years later. The great thing about meetup groups is they are free!

3. Get to Know Yourself

The reality for many people is that when they come out of a long-term relationship they don’t even know who they are and what they want. Take this time to discover YOU!  Time to look at what you really like and don’t like. Time to be authentic, which means being genuine! Start to notice what feels good for you and what you like. I am sure that in your relationship you were so focused on what makes the other person happy that you forgot all about what made you happy.  Use this time to discover and get to know you and what genuinely makes you happy. After all, you are the only person you will be with for all of your life!

4. Don’t be in a hurry to fall into another relationship

Your instinct may be strong to find someone else to make you feel better about yourself and stop you from feeling so alone.  But DON’T! If you don’t take the time to feel your pain and heal it is likely you will carry all that ‘stuff’ forward into new relationships! You could hurt someone else and yourself in the process. At this time it is much more important to make new friends.

5. Find what you enjoy and try new experiences

It is time to look at what you like to do for the fun of it. This is important because after a long-term relationship you might not even know what that is but the good thing is you can have fun finding out what you like. I know that I didn’t know what I loved to do and I had to go out and find out.

However, I want to reassure you that it was a fun experience. Go and experiment and play as there are so many different experiences that you can try. Find a new hobby or interest – it could be something you have always thought of trying. Maybe you could learn to play golf, do a writing course, an acting course, a dance course. Anything really. Have fun and experiment and make new friends along the way. It will stop you from having too much time to focus on what you don’t have.

6. Learn something new is better than being alone

Grow, heal, learn something new, it will definitely make you feel better. Go take a course or learn something that you have always wanted to or haven’t realised that you wanted to learn. It will be a strong way to take your mind off being alone and lonely. This is one tip that worked for me and started my love for growing and expanding who I am and I still regularly sign up for courses to give me a fresh perspective and help the people I work with do the same.  

7. Ask People Over

After break-up money can often be an issue and you can’t afford to go out. Don’t worry you don’t have to sit at home all alone, invite some friends over! You can buy a couple of bottles of wine and nibbles or ask everyone to BYO. You might be surprised at how that also might make someone else’s day (always a good feeling when you make someone else feel good). Entertaining in your home is cheaper than going out and can be a lot of fun and it is guaranteed to take your mind off being on your own.  If you don’t have any friends, then I recommend following point two and making some new friends first.

8. Work can be a good distraction from being alone

You don’t want to be all work and no play. However, when you are going through a rough time what you do for a living can help you deal. Focus on being the best you can be at work and take the time to celebrate your wins, it will distract you and also help you feel better about yourself! There’s nothing wrong with advancing your career at a time like this. The other benefit is that you’ll be too tired and focused to feel alone.

9. Get used to being in your home on your own

To start with this can be one of the hardest things to get used to, especially if you are sharing custody of children. The silence can be deafening and you might not be used to having so much time on your hands to be alone.  But make the most of the little advantages like having the remote control to yourself! If you do find yourself with a day to yourself why not soak in a bath, binge watch something you wouldn’t usually be able to or read a book in the silence.  Or you could experiment in the kitchen, sort out your cupboard, do some home renos, write or call a friend. Really, the list of what you can do is endless, take the time to enjoy those possibilities.

10. Get outside to get over being alone

Getting outside in the fresh air will always make you feel better. Better still go for a walk and do some exercise. The feel-good endorphins that are released will make you feel better. Trust me they do! Even if you don’t like the idea of exercise it will make you feel better and stop you from obsessing about your ex. Oh, and who knows what might happen if you leave your house because I guarantee that nothing new will happen sitting on your sofa.

Conclusion to Being Alone

Take the time to heal, grow and find yourself and remember that is won’t be forever. 

If you are struggling to get though a difficult divorce or breakup  I am here to help, why not book in a free discovery call, all you need to do is to book here. 

Debbie x

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