Have you ever wondered why you didn’t get a second date, especially when YOU felt like the first date went so well?
Has this been you?
You went on a great date and you were excited about where it could go. You and couldn’t wait to hear from them again. Only to find out they aren’t interested in seeing you again or worst of all they simply ghosted you!
In the case that you didn’t hear, you can’t help but check your phone every five minutes to see if they have texted.
But there’s nothing, crickets, a big fat zero text messages or phone call.
Everything on the date seemed to go so well. How could you have gotten it so wrong?
It felt full of so much possibility! How was it even possible that you didn’t get a second date?
I hear you, it is the worst feeling not hearing back or being told they didn’t feel that elusive ‘spark’ when you did feel it.
This leaves you wondering what went wrong and feeling so many different emotions all at once. Like rejection, anger, confusion, hurt, frustration, feeling sad and even hopelessness.
You are left questioning EVERYTHING!
Did you say the wrong thing, wear the wrong thing, did you eat too much, have food stuck in your teeth or something else?
To get the answer, maybe you talk to your friends about the date. It helps but often they give you reassurance to make you feel better rather than give you the real honest truth. They may tell you that you have dodged a bullet or it was the other person’s fault but that isn’t always true.
You may also be tempted to take a who cares’ approach. However, that doesn’t help either.
If you don’t get a second date, then it’s time to take an objective look at what is happening and what could be getting in the way of your success. In this article, I’m going to help you do that.
We are going to look at the reasons you have control over and those that you don’t.
Because there will be times when it has absolutely NOTHING to do with you and it is about them.
In my experience as a Relationship Coach, there can be so many reasons why you didn’t get a second date.
I am going to honestly go through some of those reasons with you in this article so you can be objective and get the results you want.
31 Reasons You Didn’t Get a Second Date
Things You Can Control to Get a Second Date
Let’s start with the things in your control that you may not realise you are doing on a date. By looking at some of the things you may be doing on your first date that stop the other person from wanting to see you again.
- You didn’t look like your dating app photograph. This is the biggest reason people don’t get a second date. Why? Because it feels like you have lied about how you look. This could be old photos, photos with filters, photos that are only a headshot, or that just don’t look like you do now.
- They found out you have lied about something in your dating profile.
- You were late.
- The date felt like an interview.
- The date was too short and they didn’t have enough time to get to know you. Or it lasted too long and you fell into the common dating conversation mistakes.
- Being self-critical on your date. For example, saying that no one wants to date you. This will leave them thinking that if no one else wants to date you, why would they?
- If you are jaded and burnt out from dating this will show on your date and put someone off wanting to see you again. It can also give the impression that you are undateable.
- You were rude or disrespectful on the date. That could have been to the waitperson at the place you went on your date. Or you were just rude in general!
- You focused on and talked about sex or were too touchy/feelie!
- You drank too much!
- Your conversation was boring.
- You rambled! You don’t want to talk for the sake of talking just because you are scared of that awkward silence. Be genuinely interested in your date and get to know them.
- You spent the date talking about your ex.
You had a one-sided conversation, dominating the conversation. This gives the impression that you aren’t interested in the other person as you haven’t asked them any questions.
- Talking about health scares (not a first-date conversation).
- You cyberstalked the person and told them about it on the date! Creepy. Or maybe they cyber-stalked you and came away with the impression that you weren’t right for them. Maybe they saw hundreds of pictures of you enjoying a good night out and they assumed you aren’t ready to settle down. Don’t make those assumptions as they could be old photos and now the person is ready to settle down. Before you start dating, take a look a the impression your social media gives.
- What you wore! People can be very judgemental about what you wear.
- Hair, makeup or showing too much skin on a date. All of these things can give the wrong impression and prevent you from getting a second date.
- Going to your date from an exercise workout or straight from work. This can give the impressions that you haven’t put in any effort to the date.
- You didn’t text them after the date and are waiting for them to contact you. You might have fixed ideas of who should ask who out! However, instead of waiting to hear from them, send them a text saying how much you enjoyed catching up and would love to do it again. Yes, it may be vulnerable but sometimes that is all it takes.
Things Outside of Your Control to Get a Second Date
- They didn’t think were on the same page or had enough in common. This can be wanting different things, having different values or wanting a different type of relationship (casual vs serious).
- Something came up in the conversation that gave them the impression you were incompatible. People can jump to assumptions that aren’t always true. I see people do this all the time and miss out on someone who was a good match for them. A very simple example is your date could have asked you if you like Bali and you said no. From that simple comment, they could make the conclusion you aren’t a match as they enjoy going to Bali. The reality is your comment could have been that you haven’t enjoyed Bali in the past, not that you wouldn’t be open to going to Bali. In fact, they could show you why they love the place so much. I recommend avoiding assumptions and generalisations on dates.
- They realised they weren’t ready to date. You might think that someone would know that before they asked you out. However, in my experience, people don’t always know until get out there and go on a date. They could realise they aren’t ready or they aren’t completely over an ex.
They didn’t feel chemistry.
- They decided to get back together with an ex.
- They met someone else. People often arrange several dates on dating apps at the same time and could have just felt they were more compatible with someone else.
- They lost your contact information (very unlikely). Even if they had lost your contact information, I find that most people when they are interested will find a way to get in contact with you.
- The timing was off. That could be for so many reasons. Some examples are: they are about to go on an overseas trip, started a new job, have sick family members, etc.
- Not over their baggage and they realised that on the date.
- They didn’t feel good about themselves.
- They just weren’t that into YOU! There is a whole book written about this one! It’s a great book, especially for women. Ladies, it is important to realise that if a man does want to see you again, they will make it happen. When they’re not that into you they won’t. It’s that simple.
Conclusion to Why You Didn’t Get a Second Date
There are many different reasons why someone won’t want to go on a second date with you. I have covered 31 of them, but trust me there will be more as everyone is different.
Working with singles for over a decade, I know that you may not even be aware of how you come across on a date. I find that people don’t know, what they don’t know.
If you are making any of the common dating mistakes they can be easily fixed so you can get a second date.
And if the reasons are the ones that are nothing to do with you, make sure you don’t take that to heart. The truth is that when you are out in the dating world, not everyone is going to like you and that’s ok! Let’s face it, you don’t like everyone either it’s not personal it’s just not the right match/fit for you.
It just wasn’t meant to be and it is so much better to know that now than down the track when you are more invested in them.
To make sure you make the best first impression and find specific tips you might want to read – How to Make a Good First Impression to Get a 1st or 2nd Date.
I hope you have found this article useful. If you are still wondering why you aren’t getting results, why not give me a call as I know I can help?