15 Creative Online First Message Examples That Get Responses

first message

You will find 15 Creative First Message Examples that Work in this Blog!

Have you put your profile up on a dating app and you didn’t get the results you wanted?

You thought it would be easy and fun yet the reality is that it wasn’t/isn’t!

You can’t help look for the reasons why and start to think that all the online profiles HAVE TO BE fake. Or that nobody is on the app for genuine reasons, they just want attention/validation.

You are not alone and this is a common problem singles face.

The reality is a well-written profile and good pictures will get you a match. But getting a date goes beyond just getting a match.

It comes down to writing a first message that gets results.

This takes a whole new level of skill because the reality is the first message often never gets answered!

Why, because most of the first messages are boring! The real honest truth is that the ‘boring’ messages have nothing in them that gets the other person to WANT to reply!

Simply showing up online with a good profile isn’t enough to get the results you deserve.

Just like you would need to know what to say when you meet someone in real life, you also need to be able to do that in the online world.

The only difference between online dating conversations and real-life conversations are you have to write them. Oh, and you don’t have the benefit of tone of voice or body language.

If you:

  • Are boring in real life, the other person wouldn’t talk to you.
  • Said hi and stood there waiting for the other person to talk; the conversation may not go anywhere else.
  • Handed your number and walked away, it is unlikely the other person would call
  • Leave the whole burden of the conversation on the other person, you won’t get very far. Unless of course, they like the sound of their own voice.

Online dating is exactly the same.

First Message Ground Rules

1. In Your First Message Be Creative

Your first message needs to be fun, creative and interesting. Why? Because there is more chance of getting an answer and having an interesting conversation. When you have a fun or an interesting conversation people will want to meet up with you.

If you are having fun in a conversation it will come across to the person you are talking to. Teasing and banter are also great tools to use. However, be careful online as your sense of humour may not easily be seen when writing a message because they can’t tell by your tone of voice or body language. This is where you need to make use of emojis!

2. Online messages are not transactional!

Don’t send transactional messages – these are not creative or fun! Using online dating is not the same as buying something on Amazon.com. A transactional message is one where you are focused on the outcome of the message. For example, you are only sending the text to arrange a date.  It is ok to send transactional messages when you are arranging a catch up with mates or a girlfriend but not a stranger. You need to use the messages to get to create interest/connection like you would in real life!

3. The First Message Doesn’t Make them work too hard! 

In your first message don’t put the burden of the conversation on the other person by making them come up with the conversation. You could be doing this when you send, ‘Hey’ or Hi Julie, I’m Marc, how are you? or How are you? or  Hi.  When you do this you haven’t given anything of yourself and are just making the other person come up with the conversation.

I want to let you know that the singles you want to talk to will have an inbox full of these messages and are unlikely to answer them.  The reality is that popular singles online won’t have the time to respond to you if you haven’t put in any effort into your first message.

If you want to stand out from everyone else send a different first message that spikes interest.

4. Make Your First Message Specific

If you are referring to something in the other person’s profile make sure you mention it in full so they know what you are talking about. Why? Because they may have written their profile a while ago and forgotten what they have written.

5. It’s a Conversation

You use your first message to create a conversation. Remember that an online conversation is just like a real conversation so make sure you start it like one. I recommend that you start your first message by saying Hi {insert name}, great to match with you. Then move on to the question. Otherwise, it can feel jarring rather than a conversation that feels genuine and builds interest. I will


show you what I mean in the first few examples below, but will then let you add that in for the rest!

We use conversation to get to know people and your first message is where you start. Have fun finding out about them, what interests them and what you have in common with them. That is what the messaging is all about.

It should never be a list of questions that feel like an interrogation or an interview as that doesn’t bring out the best in anyone!

Ladies – Don’t wait for the guy to come up with an interesting conversation, have some fun! Come up with a conversation yourself! Make the effort to respond rather than simply sending short answers that kill the conversation.  Steer away from interview-style questions instead be playful and have fun instead.

Men – Maybe you have carefully tried writing a message in the past and it didn’t work so you gave up. However, when you follow the tips in this email and take

a different approach you can get a different result.

Both Men & Ladies – Remember 1/3 of all couples do meet online so it is worth putting in the effort with your online messages.

15 Examples of First Message Conversation Starters

I have given you a lot of different examples of what a first message looks like, so you can use the ones that suit your own personality and interests.  Have fun and see what works best for you. If you start with a light-hearted conversation find a way to build it into something more interesting. Oh and don’t forget to ask them for their phone numbers if things go well.

  1. Hey, {insert name} always weird to connect in the online world so let’s start by debating … banana on pizza or do you feel that is desert, not pizza!?
    Banana on pizza is weird, does anyone even do that?  So, it may create a fun conversation. However, you will need to know how to transition from banana on pizza to your next conversation otherwise the conversation will fizzle out.
  1. Hi {insert name}, great to match with you. Want to choose your own messaging adventure: (1) let’s get deep and meaningful (2) go with the everyday socially acceptable questions (3) start with a corny dad/mum joke?

    Everyone loves a multiple-choice question as they have a choice and you can see where that leads to. If they do choose deep and meaningful have something ready to ask.
  1. You can only choose one: love, sex or money?

    Guys this is not an excuse to talk sex though as talking about sex too soon can make you look creepy and that you are after one thing. Unfortunately, there is too much of that behaviour online.

  1. Hey, {insert name} don’t you hate the whole hobbies/interests question? Personally, I feel like it’s too much pressure to impress by interesting? So, let me ask you what hobby would you try if you had the time/money to do it (unless you have a super cool one already)?
  2. Among your friends/family, what are you best known for?
  3. Are you a book or movie person? Which is the last book/movie you read/saw that you really got into?
  4. What do you believe everyone should try, even if it is just once?
  5. What music artist do you never get tired of? Or do you get stuck in overplaying something and never listening to it again?

  6. I love unexpected adventures and try to find ways to create more of them. What is one of the best adventures you have gone on so far?
  7. Curious, what are you obsessed with just now?
  8. Crazy idea: let’s put effort into chatting for the next 24 hours and if we hit it off, then we can meet up within the next 3–5 business days. You in?
  9. Choose one: (a) We say nothing to each other until one of us deletes the match or app, (b) Talk about the weekend, then the weather, then work, then wait until the convo fizzles, or (c) Talk about the meaning of life using only emojis.
  10. Are you the kind of person who doesn’t take life too seriously or are you normal?
  11. What disgusts you the most: feet, feelings, or passing wind?
  12. What are some obscure things that you like or are into?

    Everyone’s a little weird and life’s can be weird too. So, when you find someone’s weirdness is compatible with yours -it’s cool!  You may even see each other and fall into the mutual weirdness we call it love.

If You Want More

I have written about this subject a few times and if you are looking for more examples you can find them in 3 Startling Examples of Online Messages that Work and How to Write the Perfect Icebreaker.


If you are still struggling to get the results you deserve, book a free discovery call. You have everything to gain and absolutely nothing to lose!

Debbie, Relationship Coach


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